Today is the day. For some people, today is the last day of the week. The end of a long, arduous and rather boring week that could not have come faster but will only lead to another weekend that will inevitably become the dreaded Monday. For others, today is an exciting day. A day that has been in the making for a very, very, long time. Today, Star Wars: The Force Awakens opens up in theaters around the country! For today’s Moment of Zen, we will focus on our inner Jedi. Now, I know that you are thinking to yourself, ‘What does a movie have to do with Zen?’ and the answer lies in Yoda.
The all powerful Jedi Master Yoda. A green pointy eared alien that spoke backwards and showed us that being green was less difficult for him then a certain singing frog. If there was ever a creature that could teach us to focus on our inner Jedi it would be this master Muppet.
Yoda has taught many Jedi how to calm their fears and their anger with focus and patience. His teaching gave Luke Skywalker the know-how to defeat the Dark Side and conquer the evil of the universe as well as the evil within. Use Yoda’s guidance to rid yourself of the evil manifested over the crazy week we all have faced and find your inner Jedi.
Close your eyes and focus on your week. Let go of the annoying customers looking for Christmas decorations. Let go of the political arguments over Trump’s position on nuclear weapons management. Let go of all the hate and anger and frustration that has clung to you like lint from a dryer vent. These vibes only weigh you down like an anchor. This is your moment. Breathe. Let all that negative energy escape you and let the positive energy enter through your lungs. Exhale. Find your center and shake off the angst of life. Bring your life back into balance even if just for a moment.
There are many people out there ready to see Star Wars today. Some people go in costume while others go with friends, family or even on their own but not ever without the company of fellow Stars Wars fans. I am going to see the film as well and I am super pumped. I’ve been a fan for several years and haven’t been to a good movie or any movie for that matter in over four years so this is a good reintroduction to a familiar franchise that I fell in love with over twenty-five years ago. I feel good about this film and regardless of opinion of trilogy choice (because there is a difference folks), I feel that any Star Wars film (whether you are a fan of the old trilogy, new trilogy or both) makes its audience feel like part of that adventure.
If you are not going to see the movie don’t worry – there is nothing wrong with you. If you are a fan or not, take this time to go on your own adventure. Take a side street home that you have never taken before. Eat somewhere that you’ve never been to and order something outside of your comfort zone. The path of the Jedi is unpredictable. Your life is short and every moment, from the mundane to the most influential, is important.
Live life to your fullest and take chances when something exciting comes your way. And further more… May the Force be with You… Always.
This is not a post about the new Star Wars film. This is not a wish list that most people will want to jump on board with. For starters, this list is comprised of things that I want to see not so much what you want to see in the upcoming films. For the most part, this is a list of things that I would love to see front and center in the film but most likely never will because they serve no purpose to the main story. For some reason these hidden gems found their way into all of the films so why wouldn’t Episode VII not have its own outlandish alien additions? Why do I want to see these particular scenes, characters and/or Easter Eggs in the upcoming film? Because no one else asked for them that’s why. There are several plain sight Star Wars characters, objects and scenes that everyone remembers but does not give the recognition each deserve from each of the previous films. I think it’s time we recognize them – one from each of the six films the precede the newest installment of the Star Wars franchise. So, I present to you, the 6 things I want to see in the new film Star Wars: The Force Awakens –
Glowing Orb Award
I…HAVE…THE POWER!!!
It’s not every day the nuclear reactor of a fucking planet is handed to the underwater aquatic homonids that just won you a war. According to the Star Wars Wiki page, this orb is called the “Globe of Peace” which was awarded to the Gungans after teaming up with the Naboo to protect Naboo (I’d like to call them Naboons or Naboolings) from the Trade Federation’s invasion.
Why do I want to see this in the next film? It is an interesting desk ornament for starters but I believe that this “peace offering” is actually a source of uncontrolled energy. A basketball sized orb that glows like the universe necklace in Men in Black and it’s not a danger? This isn’t like a Nobel Peace Prize that sits on your night stand it’s a possible weapon. I’m almost certain that the extreme pressure of the underwater Gungan community would cause some sort of explosion after some time. So if we are to see this orb again, it is going to be in the form of a crater that resulted in the destruction of all Gungans and hopefully Jar-Jar Binks in the process.
Goodbye Jar-Jar
Dex
Who ordered the Tentacle Wraps?
Just when you thought the future had sophisticated eating establishments throughout the universe, Obi Wan stops at Dex’s Diner. Aside from Obi Wan’s need to drink excessively (Jedi mind tricks involve drinking profusely and getting to your nearest temple without the cops busting you) it seems he has a taste for greasy space burgers and espionage. Dex, a Besalisk with an incredible knowledge of Bounty Hunter tactical gear, would be a humorous cameo to see on screen. Imagine Han and Chewie stopping at a Space-Hot Dog Truck owned and operated by non other than ol’ Dex. It would be better than getting the space special at Guss’ Galaxy Grill in Spaceballs I’m sure.
Maternity Ward Bots
I’d stop the bleeding but I have spatulas for hands.
So far the track record of these Maternity Bots keeping patients alive is pretty shitty. The only woman they delivered children for on screen was Padme Amidala-SkyWalker (because she would get her last name hyphenated the futuristic feminist) and she apparently died from a broken heart? I call fucking shenanigans! Personally I’d love to see these bots flipping burgers at Dex’s hot dog stand on the international space highway rather than working some back alley hospital in the outer rim. I’m pretty sure that if Jedi’s have to serve a sentence of exile for being renegade space-priests, a toaster that delivers babies deserves to be junked.
Trash Compactor Tentacle Monster
This is the exact reason why you DO NOT flush alligators down the toilet. I mean, where the fuck did this thing come from?! This is a government owned space vessel that destroys ships not a goddamn zoo! Either there is a lab where a Stormtrooper doctor Josef Mengele is making giant one-eyed tentacle creatures and tossing them into the trash or someone had one of Dex’s space-hot dogs after a heavy night of drinking. Maybe during Finn’s great escape we see this one-eyed beauty floating around in a jar or in some sort of an aquarium. This is such a classic character within the Star Wars universe that it would be totally foolish not to have the thing in J.J. film.
Cloud City Security Guard Wearing Beats by Dre
No one knows that I am listening to Celine Dion right now. No one.
No film would be complete without some sort of product placement. This guy called Lobot was in the original trilogy several years ago and has been sporting these killer headphones before everyone even forgot about Dre in the first place. He is actually physically connected to the super computer of the Cloud City of Bespin. At an instant, Lobot can access any program or security measure faster than a thought. Why should this guy be in the film? Lobot represents the closest interpretation of what could possibly be the future of man kind. Our lives are almost directly connected to the internet with the help of computers and iPhones alike. Slap an Apple logo on the side of his gigantic headphones and a free download of any single by Adele and you connect our world with the actual Star Wars universe.
My next hit will cover Bill Murray’s Star Wars song if it kills me.
Jabba’s Rat
Don’t worry robot. I am a licensed attorney.
I’m convinced that Jabba’s palace is whore house for Muppets. This thing looks like Rizzo the Rat was thrown into a microwave for thirty minutes and survived. No one could ever forget its maniacal laugh for an instant if they’ve seen the Return of the Jedi so why not bring him back for one more go around? This thing, which goes by the very cool name of Salicious B. Crumb (I’m sure that is the name of some super sleuth from the 60’s), was Jabba’s personal jester. Apparently, the rat creature we know as Crumb supposedly died on Jabba’s pleasure barge (by pleasure we mean boning a giant slug creature) but there is no reason we can’t be introduced to his distant relative or a pack of wild lizard monkey creatures that scavenge on Jakku.
Now I know I mentioned 6 things but I thought of this guy towards the end of this post and I hope he truly turned his life around after his little “talk” with Obi Wan:
Maybe you should start a band?
Did he ever rethink his life? I’d like to think he gave up the drug scene and started a retreat for troubled youths. Maybe he became a digital pimp and took a nice lad by the name of Neo under his wing and showed him the power of Jesus Christ or the Force or The Matrix (I hope people who were paying attention grabbed this Easter Egg!) by dressing up sexy young ladies in red.
We may not see any of this in the upcoming Star Wars film but a fan can dream! If you like this post, please share with friends and fans of all things Star Wars. If we are not pals on Facebook, give us a like and let me know what you would like to see in the upcoming film. I got my tickets and I hope you got yours! Enjoy the movie and for fun, below is the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens coming to theaters December 18th!
So every year around this time I flood my radio and television with Christmas music and annoying holiday specials. Mostly for the sheer enjoyment of watching my kids become mesmerized by singing Whos and dancing Elves as they try to save Santa Claus from evil package shipping tycoons do I continue this annual Christmas ritual.
Santa, who will save Christmas from Donald Trump?! Credit: Saving Santa
Of all of the Christmas films I watch each year there is one film that stands out for me. One film that I identify with the most as a struggling human being. That film is the incredible story of George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life.
Originally a failure in the box office, It’s a Wonderful Life, starring James Stewart and Donna Reed, has captivated audiences for nearly 70 years as an incredible story of human compassion. If you haven’t seen this film and have a tendency to cry during a character’s moment of revelation as they storm through their hometown shouting ‘Merry Christmas!’ than this film is right up your alley.
I bring up this film because the holidays tend to remind me of a lot of the bad stuff that has happened to me personally and to others that I have known through the years. Most of us tend to focus on the bad qualities of the Christmas holiday, such as drunken Santa Clauses selling us tick infested Christmas trees, overpriced and useless toys that will get thrown out over the course of a year, extremely high electric bills and annoying family that are more concerned with each other’s Secret Santa than world hunger or prosperity.
Take a step back for a moment. Leave the pungent odor of cinnamon and pine needles in the other room and breathe. In….then out….in…then out….
Now, try to picture It’s a Wonderful Life or a film about battling the odds – which doesn’t have to be Christmas related – where the main character is beaten down to his very last, but manages to crawl up from the bottom and rise again out of the ashes. Now, envision yourself as that character.
George Bailey had become a sour man, beaten by life from every angle no matter how much good he had done for others. George then faced the wall of despair and could not find it within himself to rise above his disparity.
Credit: It’s a Wonderful Life
Only with the help of a bumbling fool angel, who saw only the true good inside this now broken man, could George be saved.
We tend to forget that we all can hit the bottom. No matter how high we can climb the fall is sure to hurt us all. When we hit the bottom, a dark and lonely place, escape seems futile and hopeless. The holiday season, although a cheerful time of year, can bring out the suicidal poison of inner emotional pain and tear our spirit apart piece by piece. It’s only at this moment do we need to reach out to others and ask for help or guidance.
While breathing at a slow, relaxing pace, try to remember small moments in time where you did something for someone else. It could be letting someone go ahead of you in a Starbucks, it could be holding the door for an elderly man, complimenting a woman on her outfit or helping a family change a flat tire or push their broken-down car down the road. Moments like these where we sacrifice our own comfort or look outwards to others can help us feel good about ourselves; even if it is only for a brief moment.
Take a second during the day to remind yourself that life is short and that every moment is precious. It doesn’t have to be everyday but it could certainly be a goal to reach. Keep in mind that there are people out there who hit the bottom and have no one to reach a hand to. If you find you have hit that wall of despair do not give up. Reach up to someone that you know who cares about you and talk to them. Share moments of kindness or memories that you have with that person. If you know someone who has felt hopeless, bring them hope in the form of a kind act. You do not have to know this person either! If you notice someone visibly is feeling down, intervene and just listen to them talk; let them spill their heart out to you. Every action of kindness done by a single person can multiply and spread faster than any terrorist act or slander against a specific race of people.
At the end of the film, George is reminded that the friends and family around him truly care for his well being and come to help him in his darkest moment. I’ve seen this ending hundreds of times and cry every time. I guarantee that anyone who hasn’t seen this movie will do the same at the end of the film.
Look beyond the tangible unimportant material possessions that surround us and relish in the joy that the holiday season can bring. Be the good that we know this time of year can bring and exemplify good at every turn because the one life we live is truly a wonderful one indeed.
Would you put day drinking under experience or special abilities?
Who needs tights when I have a Wild Turkey?!
So I just finished watching Marvel’s Jessica Jones and it was surprisingly good for a lesser known character. While I knew practically nothing of the character, I felt a sense of familiarity that could only be attributed to the genius of Marvel and Netflix’s production companies. However, while the show was good (notice how I do not elevate above the description of good), there are some things I loved about the show and some shit I could have done without.
Jessica Jones as a stand alone doesn’t really work. While there are great qualities and potential, Jones cannot carry her own franchise successfully in my opinion. As a lesser known character and a character with little remorse I find it hard to believe that audiences will want that much more of Jessica Jones despite the fact that she has a heart of gold covered in Johnny Walker. I did like the show and was a fan of such a raunchy character, but I did not love it. There was something missing from the show that kept it from being something truly special. So without further adieu, here are some thoughts on Marvel’s boozing, foul mouthed, semi-super heroine Jessica Jones:
FEMALE SUPERHERO
Marvel is in desperate need of a female heroine that is not Scarlett Johanssen. While the Black Widow is la femme fatale and probably the most erotic woman on the face of the planet (Not convinced? Watch Don Jon or listen to her voice in HER and tell me she’s not), Marvel cannot survive with just her as the face of the female hero roster. Hell, even Elizabeth Olsen is not enough for us and she gives people pink eye with a wave of her fingers.
I give you pink eye!!
While we are a few years away from Ms. Marvel coming to theaters, Jessica Jones, played by Krysten Ritter (Breaking Bad) was in my opinion the trial run for all upcoming leading female heroes. With her abrasive, aggressive, no holds bar kind of attitude, unethical detective work and her less than stellar track record as a heavy drinker, Jones offers audiences a filthier superhero than Pig Pen from Peanuts.
Marvel has all sorts of disgusting superheroes! What makes her different?
Well for starters she is a she. When we watch a character like Matt Murdock or even Tony Stark swig back some hard liquor we don’t bat an eye. Put a drink in Jessica Jones’ hand and we suddenly have a truly gritty and hard edged character that makes drunk Grandma at a strip club look tame. Secondly, she is not a conflicted character when it comes to morals. She does what she has to do and doesn’t give a flying fuck who she screws over to get the job done as long as it is in the best interest of either saving those who need saving or her making money to spend on whiskey.
SHE HAS POWERS, BUT NOT REALLY
Jones admits to not being able to fly but to be able to jump really high and her strength is above average but not quite super compared to say Hulk or Captain America. These attributes give her an advantage against criminals and some villains but once she is outmatched what can she do? Jones offers the audience a truly vulnerable character that is cool enough to be a hero but lame enough to challenge her efforts keeping her successes to a minimum unlike our Avengers.
Jessica Jones’ weaknesses prove to be her strongest quality as a character and offer the audience a less than appealing anti-hero that sits as a complete opposite to the man in red white and blue or even the devil of Hell’s Kitchen. It will be fun to watch her evolve with the other characters that will eventually become the Defenders after each headlining character has their turn at a franchise.
JESSICA ND LUKE CAGE SITTING IN A TREE, F-#-@-$-I-N-G!
Awesome. (Slow clap ascending to thunderous applause) Just plain awesome. From all of the Marvel films and shows that have been produced, this is the one element that truly stood out for the series, not just because of the source material but because of the Adult-Eyes Only scenes. Marvel and Netflix (I believe that this is a Netflix production over seen by Marvel but thank goodness for Internet ratings) didn’t just push the envelope, they pushed the envelope off the fucking table.
Why is this important? This changes the dynamic of the ‘relationship’ in the Marvel franchises. Having the complicated relationships of these characters on screen just makes the characters that much more interesting and easier to be a fan of and introducing such a provocative element to the equation makes the series more enjoyable.
DOCTOR. FUCKING. WHO.
Oh, so I’m the Purple Man now? Well that’s lovely.
David Tennant. Do I need to say more than that? I do wish someone called him The Purple Man in the show though.
Okay. Some shit I could have done without:
WHINY FEMALE CHARACTERS
Nothing pisses me off more than characters that are purposefully created to suck and make the lead character look even better than they would alone.
Except child actors. I fucking despise child actors.
Up yours Jake.
Hogarth, played by Carrie Anne Moss (Memento, Matrix Trilogy), her partner and Hogarth’s love affair, the annoying girl from the upstairs apartment, the college track star who Jones is trying to save from Kilgrave the entire series (and fails miserably I might add) and Trish Walker (who in comic book lore is a powerless heroine called Hellcat in case anyone is interested) all play annoying side female characters that are watered down and useless to Jessica Jones and the show itself.
The show was about Jessica saving the day but not really wanting to and none of the female characters were of any help at all and oh let’s stop to talk about relationships and feelings. I felt like I was watching an episode of Gilmore Girls at some moments during the series! There was a brief moment where Trish Walker, played by Rachael Taylor, was able to help Jones with some ninja moves against a character called Simpson (who would later become the pill popping villain Nuke) but after that she was just another helpless bystander.
Granted it is necessary to have other characters to round out the roster a little bit but none of these characters were effective in shaping Jessica Jones as a character. Side characters exist to help mold the main character but none of the sides did that in my opinion. Jessica Jones was still Jessica Jones from start to finish with barely any evolution of the character. Many of the side characters got hurt or killed because of her and her arch nemesis as well with little care from the lead. I do hope that if there is a second season of this show, they work on some of the extra characters rather than just use them to sling around like clay pigeons for the powered individuals to knock around.
KILGRAVE AS THE MORTAL ENEMY?
Could there have been a lamer battle between two characters? Kilgrave wanted Jessica for himself and because he couldn’t have her he tortured other people? Kilgrave is a pretty interesting character that I personally think was wasted on this show. Also known as the Purple Man, Kilgrave was primarily Daredevil’s villain and indirectly took control of Jones for his own pleasure and had they incorporated Jones’ controlled mind as a segue into another season of Daredevil rather than use it as the foundation of this series, I think that would have been a more clever use of the character and his powers. Instead we got a troubled youth, experimented on as a kid, that wanted a sexy super heroine as a plaything. Pretty lame.
Earlier on I mentioned that the show was good. Not great but good. Personally. I do not think Jessica Jones needed a stand alone series. Like I mentioned before, Jones was a trial subject for a much bigger plan. Marvel needs a strong female lead in order to capture female audiences that can carry her own franchise.
While there are plans for Ms. Jones to become a Defender, I personally feel that Jessica Jones should have been part of a duo franchise titled Luke Cage & Jessica Jones or something along those linesbased on the promising performance from Mike Colter who will be starring in the upcoming Luke Cage series. A show about a power couple torn apart by a villain who uses mind bending powers to control his victims that can only be saved by their love for one another and with the help of a blind lawyer from Hell’s Kitchen would have made for a better show than a drunken P.I. with poor powers and a dirty mouth.
It also looks like Iron Fist is on the roster of superhero franchises added to Netflix as well with show runner Scott Buck manning the helm! Let’s hope that Marvel and Netflix take on a truly daring character and add the crazy mother fucker Moon Knight as well!
So, I get a show too right?
One Netflix rumor keeps popping up of a possible show but we can only hope, right?
If you made it this far, feel free to agree, disagree or ignore everything that I have mentioned above. Please remember to share and like posts and let me know if any of this is entertaining! I’d love to hear from you! Thanks again!
So the new trailer for Batman vs Superman has arrived and I guess we don’t actually have to watch the movie now! I’m sorry was that a little blunt? Let’s face it, the trailer is very revealing. Check it out below and if you disagree leave happy and fulfilled. Otherwise read on:
I thought she was with you? See what I mean? We have a tension of heroes created from a disagreement of ideals which leads to a muscle flexing competition only to be put aside because an enemy too big to handle alone by either hero rises out of the ashes of an explosion created by a mutual villain? Sounds very Michael Bay to me. Doomsday is a mutated hybrid clone of Zod created by the young, ruthless, Mark Zuckerberg version of Lex Luthor? Please.
I get that there is creative interpretation with most comic book material. I’m OK with Snyder’s portrayal of both heroes and villains of the franchise. But if there is one thing I hate, it is a movie trailer that tells me the entire plot of the film and leaves nothing to the imagination. I have watched the entire movie in one two minute clip that I found on YouTube. Why is that?
Is there no such thing as the surprise element? The first couple of trailers left viewers with intrigue and desire to watch our favorite superheroes beat the crap out of each other despite the fact that most comic fans know the outcome. There was still mystery as to the outcome of the altercation that Snyder would leave audiences with. The question still remains; why did we have to see it all laid out before us on a television promo? Why couldn’t we wait to see it till it came out in theaters? I call bullshit.
It seems more and more these days the movie trailers that accompany our favorite comic films are revealing way too much in regards to plot. Why are the marketing teams in charge of these films allowed to screw up the reveal of important plot info? For example, a MAJOR SPOILER for Star Wars: The Force Awakens was released regarding Vader’s Helmet but here we are! I certainly hope that no more information leaks on any of these films but I know that is just a pipe dream.
Remember to sound off below and let us know how you feel! Feel free to share this post and ask others to join the discussion!
The Utility Belt 